Sword Art Online, Episode 11 Rant

So we open this episode on October 24, a couple days after the Kuradeel incident to see that NOW Heathcliff allows both Kirito and Asuna to take a break from the guild activities following that breach of security. What surprises me (as well as our two protagonists) is that Heathcliff is just okay with this leave of absence. He protested it before to the point of challenging Kirito to a duel, and now it’s just okay? It could be argued they earned it following that nonsense but this isn’t even brought up as a determining factor. He’s just like, “Okay, take a break.”

It’s nitpicking I know but it only provides further proof that forcing Kirito into the guild was a pointless plot thread to fill time.

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We cut to Floor 22, where Kirito and Asuna have purchased a nice little cabin in the woods. There are a few shots of the woods around the place and the view and all that jazz. But it’s clear why these two chose such a remote place to live as a married couple:

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By that, she means crazy kinky virtual sex. Which I still don’t understand given this IS a video game and I’m pretty sure it’s neither possible to have sex (no dicks or pussy to stick said dick into) or even remove the underwear from the avatar. But I think even the writers forget this is all a video game at times.

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Kirito asks the hard questions; such a relationship would normally only be a silly in game thing. But this is anime, and the game in question is so real to them that it may as well be real life. But this question is honestly only brought up for the moment. There is no follow up to it, nor do we spend any real amount of time dissecting the idea of what’s real and what isn’t when it comes to Aincrad. Admittedly it would be redundant eleven episodes into the show, but it never stops being a relevant topic of conversation if these were even remotely like real people. Which they aren’t.

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What follows is a bunch of nothing as these two spend a honeymoon together. Since this isn’t a porno and hardly well written, this mainly consists of cheesy love messages between the two. It’s honestly quite dull.

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Yeah, they “played” all right… Also, how the fuck did they nail pictures to the wall? Can you just snap screen shots in game and have them generated into physical objects? If this is a thing, why hasn’t it been brought up before? And if it is a thing, you do realize how possible it would be to spread scandalous photos of people all over the game world? This is an interesting idea! Can we follow this?

No, we can’t. We just cut to them taking a stroll through the forest. There’s really nothing happening in this episode at first.

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If they’ve fucked (or come as close to fucking as they can), why does she care if Kirito gets a glimpse up her skirt?

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After a few minutes of literally nothing happening, the two come across a girl in the forest just wandering about. This is how boring things have gotten. Anyway, because there was nothing else going on, the two carry the suddenly unconscious girl back to their cabin. They of course wonder why such a young child was wandering about such a relatively high floor, as well as point out the fact she has no player cursor or doesn’t act like an NPC. But they don’t outright give us the answer to what she is. Because that would mean something is happening this episode. And we can’t have that, can we?

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Eventually the girl does wake up, and it seems she likes staring at people creepily as they sleep. I say they should throw her back out in the woods where they found her.

The girl identifies herself as Yui, without any clue why she was in the forest or even without much in the way of vocal skills. So apparently fucked up is the girl in the head she immediately starts calling Asuna and Kirito mama and papa. This raises virtually no red flags to the two, and they just roll with it. Because, you know, this totally isn’t a game world and this totally isn’t a potential player character who has experienced some kind of trauma that has left her all kinds of fucked up.

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They do come to this conclusion before long, but they seem to forget the fact that Yui lacks a player cursor. This isn’t something casually forgotten, either. These things are ALWAYS above a player’s head, and Yui is lacking this. Meaning she can’t possibly be a player character!

So they decide to check the first floor for clues as to who she really is. These two are complete morons.

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You two have known her for all of a few hours. Fuck off if you feel any kind of paternal instinct towards her. Perhaps if it had been a few days, sure. But it has literally been less than a DAY.

We cut to Floor 1 on October 31. While casually remembering when this whole mess started, the two lead Yui around the town hoping to jog her memory. But of course, that won’t happen because she doesn’t have a memory to begin with, but we have to pad out this episode somehow, right?

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In the process of this, they run across a group of players from the Army guild (last seen and mentioned in Episode 9) harassing a woman and children players in the street. These thugs are basically shaking the kids down for money, which in a more realistic setting would make sense. But this is a game, remember? These kids, young and frightened though they may be, have to know TWO YEARS INTO THE GAME that they cannot be harmed within the confines of the city. Yet this is a thing? And this woman doesn’t just push past the idiots and take the kids and go? Seriously?

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It doesn’t matter if they’re a group of Lv100 fully stocked player killers. Within the city, THEY CAN’T DO SHIT.

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But of course, this whole situation exists so that Kirito and Asuna can step in and save the day. How fucking typical. And boring, to be honest.

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And still these ass clowns continue to blow hot air around. Until Asuna kicks one of their asses.

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But even this does zero damage, so it’s all for show. And then they run away scared shitless. Why? Because. Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds.

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And then out of no where Yui starts spazzing out over hearts in the sky before she falls silent again. I think she was having flashbacks of playing shitty Kingdom Hearts spinoffs. It happens to me all the time.

Her spasm also causes the entire game to flicker out of color, which should raise more red flags but Asuna’s first concern is Yui? And with that nonsense, the episode ends.

A whole lot of NOTHING.

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Sword Art Online, Episode 11 Rant

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